Ladies and Gentlemen of the Academy...

Working in advertising, one can get terribly cynical about awards. If you stand still long enough, someone will give you an award. I have more than my share.

On a famous Simpsons episode, local news anchor Kent Brockman takes viewers on a tour of his trophy room. "Twelve Newsies, seven Iron Mikes, four Golden Coifs. And this...this is the most prestigious award ever given by the Del Monte Fruit Company!" he exclaims.

Because I work in a creative profession, many years ago a friend asked me to help judge the Australian Swimming Pool of the Year Award. How should I do this? The administrator reeled off a number of criteria, "Innovation, aesthetic qualities, technical challenge, engineering excellence, novel use of materials. And, of course, expensive doesn't hurt."

So, it challenges me a little to respond to an award which I actually value. One which is a sincere compliment from a treasured and loyal friend. The marvellous Arizaphale at Where did I put that flaming sword? has dropped an E for Excellent Award on me. And said some very kind things, which I don't deserve at all.


I am touched. Thank you, Arizaphale, for the compliment. Love back atcha.

Meme hygiene

Now, the idea is to pass this award along to other blogs which are well-written, regularly posted, and rewarding to read. So it's really a meme. I'll take the opportunity to deal with a couple of other memes while I'm at it.

Memes are like awards. If you stand still long enough, someone will give you one.

I have two with which to dispense. Like a winter flu, most of us have caught them.

• Nominate five posts that show the eveolution of your blogging style, and tag five people. From Godless on the Wasatch Front.


• Tell the world seven random facts about you, and tag seven people. Also from Arizaphale.
  

Seven Random Facts.

Let's deal with the second, first. Hmmm... Difficult to find seven things that are interesting, personal and novel, that I am happy to put out to the universe. My Al-Anon training warns me off inappropriate intimacy. But if your blog is anonymous, it's not really intimate, is it? I guess that's where I'll start.

1. English-Speaking Al-Anon and ACoA changed my life.
2. There's alcoholism in my family. My father was a dry drunk, and both of my grandfathers died of cirrhosis.
3. Both my grandmothers were 14 when they married.
4. The new shelves in the kitchen are terribly nice
5. I hate surprises.
6. I love salami.
7. I should call my mother. Or maybe I shouldn't.

The evolution of the blog.

Here's more than the required five. They come from my old blog, High Maintenance Hags. It still gets lots of hits. Master Right appears as George in these entries.

• Things are looking up. This is a pre-blogging journal entry.
• Dear Abby
• The Fish Stick
• Hiding from Google explans why I keep this blog anonymous.
• Sexual Lampoon's Tennessee Vacation, Part Three: Dollywood.
• Why I hated New York. One of many.
• How I met Master Right.

I will install these on the sidebar when I have a spare moment. Or maybe even re-post one or two.

Mutating the meme.

Now, these memes have been around the block a few times. So let me mutate it, before passing it on. That's how the 'flu survives, doesn't it?

Herewith: The High School Metaphor Meme.

Every year, high-school English teachers submit the funniest metaphors and similies collected from student essays.

A recent list included:

• It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.


• He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.


• Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.


• He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.


• He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

The list seems to have done the rounds of blogs and humour sites. But I have never found its orginal source. I suspect that somebody just made these up and they became an urban legend.

Now it's time for YOU to get in on the act. Make up three of these, post them, and pass the challenge on to three more people. They add to the list, pass it on, and yada yada yada.

Here are the people to kick it off:

• Arizaphale and Godless. As payback.
• Ian in Hamburg. He seems to be doing a lot of blogging about blogging itself, so he's ripe for a meme.
• Dee in Lexington

The meme and the Excellent Award go to the following three women. They are talented writers who have slowed on their posts. Perhaps this will give them some small encouragement?

• Curly McDimple
• Helen Damnation
• Rubber Buns and Liquor

Remember, it's an honour, even just to be nominated!